Saturday, August 12, 2023

The Big Three Zero

 Buy Friends 30th Birthday T-Shirt @Teeters.in

August 8th 2023: 0000 hours.

Yes, I am officially 30. It’s finally here, my 30th birthday! Unlike the previous ‘energetic’ years, this year there were no midnight calls or surprise visits. That did a bit good to my sleep schedule as well. To be honest, I never had enough midnight oil to burn, whether study or work or play.

30 years is a long period of life, at least for me. But, do I feel that old? Thankfully, not. I am thirty. I am not married. I don’t have my own house (yes, I still live with my parents). I don’t have a car. And for fun, I don’t plan my life.

When I would picture 30-year-olds in my head they were always super mature, all grown up with their houses and their cars and their babies and all that adult stuff.

Thirty definitely sneaks up on you, that’s for sure. It’s like one minute you’re at school and the next you’re saying goodbye to your 20’s! I’ve been a bit nervous about turning 30, not because I feel old or anything like that, but because everyone else makes such a big deal about turning 30. You kind of get it into your head that it’s all downhill after 30 and you start to get fat and lose your youthful glow and all that crap.

My birthday was on Tuesday, and as I typically had, it was just going to be a usual post Monday. No party, no gathering, just a few ‘happy birthday’ messages from my family and my loved ones. Funny enough, I did not expect it to be grand. I did have a bucket list that I wanted to do before turning 30, maybe that list itself is dumped in some bucket at my home.

I did catch enough time during the day to reflect on the decade which had flown by rather quickly.

At the start of my 20’s, I was money-hungry and success driven. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and earn as much money as possible so I could spend it on beautiful and expensive clothes and shoes, have a luxury car and a very gorgeous house decked out with plush furnishings. Like most other STEM graduates in India, I too had the American Dream. I was confident. I knew what I wanted to do, what I was looking for, and what my target was. I had accomplished a lot, and I was making my parents proud. I was single and I knew I wanted to stay single. Getting married and having kids? Never my priority.

As a society, we have created this (completely false) notion that life ends after 30.

I feel like I am entering a decade where I can finally be unapologetically and authentically myself. Instead of thinking that my life has ended, I believe it has only just begun.

To be honest, I view my 30s as an extension of my 20s, but with more financial stability, increased confidence, and better decision-making skills. It’s a milestone to celebrate and embrace with open arms.

At 30, I’ve come to realize the importance of meaningful connections and nurturing relationships — and not just the romantic ones. We now seek friendships that inspire us, challenge us, and bring out the best in us. We recognize the value of support systems and the strength that comes from community.

Not having it all figured out doesn’t mean we lack direction or purpose. Instead, it allows us to approach life with curiosity and openness. We can navigate uncharted territories, take detours, and learn valuable lessons along the way. These uncertain moments give us the opportunity to adapt, learn, and grown.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading.

Today I am saying goodbye to my 20s and hello to my 30s! If you had asked me ten years ago how I would feel about turning thirty I would have been hesitant and probably a little horrified at the thought of turning 3-0. Birthdays always tend to evoke a bit of reflection for me. I enjoy reflecting on the hardships, the accomplishments & all the things that got me to where I am today. Although there were many great accomplishments, there were hardships along the way, too. To celebrate I wanted to share 30 things I have learned in 30 years with you all! 

30 Things I have learned in 30 years

1. It’s ok to say no. And it’s also ok if saying “no” disappoints someone else. I used to think saying “yes” to everything made me a better person. And I learned that saying “yes” doesn’t make me a better person, in fact, it takes away from me being my best self. 

2. Some friendships are lifelong & others are “situationships.” There are friends that you know are for life & there’s friends that come into your life during a season. There’s nothing wrong with either type of friendship, but it’s important to know that not every friendship is forever and it’s ok to let certain ones go. 

3. Learn to apologize when you’re wrong. And learn to forgive others. I’ll admit, I can be stubborn and hold a grudge, but Life is too short for that. Now I’m quick to apologize and more eager to forgive. 

4. It’s ok to grow, evolve & change. No one is ever going to remain the same. It’s human nature to grow, change & evolve in life.

5. Making mistakes is normal… and they’re only mistakes if you don’t learn from them. I learned that it’s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them along the way. It happens to everyone. 

6. Value your time & your worth. My time is valuable, not free. I know my strengths and those are worth something. 

7. Not everyone is going to like you…and that’s ok. Focus on those people that do like you and want to be in your presence. 

8. You can always ask for help, even when it’s hard. I am a very independent person and it’s very hard for me to ask for help. There have been a few situations that I have gotten myself into that could have easily been alleviated had I just asked for help when I needed it. You live and you learn. 

9. Social media can be toxic. Take a break when you need it. I always try to remind myself that social media is everyone’s highlight reel. I know I don’t share my darkest days with my followers and other people don’t either! Take a break when you need to – it’ll be good for your mental health.

10. Quality over quantity. This goes for basically everything in life, seriously. 

11. Pick your battles. Let some things roll off your back!

12. You can’t set a timeline for your life. Growing up I had this “ideal” timeline in my head of how I thought my life was going to play out. All I can say is Thank God that’s not how it happened. Life has unfolded exactly how it should, when it should. 

13. It’s ok to open up and be vulnerable, you don’t always have to hide that part of you. It can be intimidating to let your guard down and open up, but do it with those you trust. It will bring a better bond and a better understanding of each other. 

14. Don’t let others’ opinions of you diminish your shine. Don’t do that – letting their words in only diminishes your shine.  

15. You can’t measure love. There are few things best left without a metric. 

16. It’s ok to not have it all figured out. I mean does anyone!? Enough said. 

17. Take a risk, what’s scary is often worthwhile. Looking back, some of the biggest risks have provided the biggest rewards. 

18. True friends will celebrate your success & support you in your failures. Hold those friends close to you, you need each other more than you know! 

19. Some days just suck & it’s ok to wallow in it sometimes. But don’t wallow too much because it can put you in a dark place. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and then move on when you can!

20. Don’t underestimate yourself, even when others do. You are a gem & you are capable of many things. Remember that!

21. Be present. Don’t let memories fall to the wayside because you were too busy behind your phone or computer screen. 

22. Stop trying to impress others. It never works out well. Ever. Be yourself and the people who love you for who you are. 

23. Worrying never helps the situation. Ever. Does it help? Heck no! Is the situation ever worst case? Hardly ever. Stop worrying and work through it instead!

24. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Allow yourself grace. Talk yourself up. Be on your own team.

25. Family is everything. Hold them close and let them know how much you love and appreciate them.

26. Get outside of your comfort zone. It’s not as scary as you think. You never know until you try. 

27. Don’t speak or act when you’re angry or emotional. Nothing good ever comes from acting on emotions. Give the situation time to diffuse itself. Decide when to speak or act once you have had a moment to reflect thoughtfully on the situation. Nine times out of ten the situation isn’t as bad as you thought when you were emotional.

28. Do what makes you happy. But also, be smart about it. It’s simple as that. You can be happy, but you also need to think things through!

29. Never stop learning. Everyone has a story that you can learn from. You’re never too old to learn from someone else. People aren’t always what they seem, take the time to listen to someone’s story.

30. Invest in yourself. Part of being your best self is making sure that you are investing in yourself. Take those moments of self-care, do what you enjoy & invest in making you an even better version of yourself. it will make a big difference.

It took me a few days to process what these lessons really mean but I think I know now. It means I’m ready. I feel at peace with all the hardships of the last 10-15 years, I’ve forgiven myself for the mistakes and am thankful for the lessons. I’ve accepted who I am and I’m proud of myself – a far cry from how I used to feel.

So, turning 30? Bring it on.

 Perfect 30th Birthday Wishes for 2023 | Routinely Nomadic

Friday, April 14, 2023

Let Them Blossom

If I were to ask everyone here, which were your best days in life? I’d hardly go wrong in my guess.

William Wordsworth wrote, ‘The Child is the father of a man’, which roughly means the character that we form as children stays with us into our adult life.

 

I never believed in this until two anecdotes in my life enforced me to change my perceptions.

It was a warm sunny day and I was enroute to Pune from Mumbai along the scenic NH4.

Road Design - NH4 National Highway No.4 Golden Quadrilateral Super Expressway  Mumbai Bangalore | Facebook


On the way I halted at a food stall. While savouring my hot cup of tea, I heard few terrible abuses hurled at someone. I turned to see the poor lad working at that stall, at the receiving end. The owner of the place, a bald burly boastful man apparently wasn’t happy with the boy’s pace of work. Those words were obnoxious, demeaning and horribly hurtful for a young boy.
I couldn’t stop myself from flashing my departmental ID in that man’s face and said, “One more word to the boy and you forget you ever owned this place!”
I could see a hint of remorse and fear in his eyes. Trust me, this has been the best use of my ID till date.

I called the boy to sit beside me and had another cup of tea with him.
Sarthak, that 12-year-old boy had to leave his schooling to support his younger sister’s education. His parents, being agricultural labourers were often hit by the complexities of cyclical unemployment, and took up odd jobs to make their ends meet. Coming from a nearby hamlet, working at this food stall was the best job he could find. I had a rather long comforting talk with him, left him a nice tip and hopefully sweeter memories. I did go back to his owner to persuade him to support Sarthak financially and be kinder to him.

Another warm sunny day, I was travelling along the same scenic NH4 but 850 kms away to Bengaluru where I had gone to visit my cousin. She and her husband had had a good career in IT and were looking to roll out a start-up. Just another day in a Bangalorean life!

What is the Cost of Living in Bangalore? A Complete Guide for 2023


But I was excited to meet my nephew, whom I had last met when he was still a toddler. But my excitement fizzed out soon. He looked seemingly unfit for his age. He was just 13 and had glasses thicker than mine, and alarmingly obese for his age.

Countering the challenge of childhood obesity- The New Indian Express


I found out that he wakes up at 5 am and studies for an hour before going to school, returns at 4 pm and rushes for his IIT coaching. After dinner he spends an hour on homework and just gets half an hour me-time, which he spends with his PlayStation. He hardly spent any time to play outside, even on the weekends.


When I shared my concern with his parents, my brother-in-law quipped, “C’mon Ankit, not everyone is as lucky as you to end up a good public sector job, he has to face cut-throat competition ahead. And I want him to study and work in the Silicon Valley, don’t you feel so?”
I replied quickly, “Even I want to see him working in the States but with a healthier body and mind!”

There was an eerie long silence to follow.
I know for sure that this did not spoil my sister’s marital life as till last evening, they haven’t filed for divorce.

And btw, coincidentally, my nephew’s name is Sarthak!

Two Sarthaks, 850 kms away, yet a similar struggle for childhood.
Sarthak figuratively means meaningful, yet we are unable to find meaning in their lives?
Dear friends, why does the Kaleidoscope of their lives always display a dark image?
Is this the new Indian reality in our villages, slums and metropolitan cities?
The final indicator of a country’s independence is the way its children live. A child is inherently curious about the world, relationships, understanding how things work. As adults, our blinkered and conditioned self prevents us from truly exploring without prejudice.


Gandhiji said, ‘The greatest lessons in life are learnt from children, not from learned men.’

Our system took 34 long years to realize that something is inherently wrong with the way our kids are being educated. The National Education Policy, 2020 is still hopping over hurdles.

A critical overview of the new education policy, 2020 - iPleaders

What can we do here?
Let us resolve to give our children the freedom of childhood, let us change our schools from being textbook prisons to laboratories of exploration.

Let them yearn….let them Blossom | Mums Life,Parenting Style,Parenting, |  Blog Post by Kalpana Manivannan | Momspresso

India will be radiant when our children will see colors added to their kaleidoscopes. Only then can we truly, Let Them Blossom. 😊

FLOWERS OF LABOUR- Hanging gardens of Gems Our Own Indian School – Article  published in Khaleej Times – GEMS OUR OWN INDIAN SCHOOL ECO CLUB