Year 2002. Class 3 results. I had topped my class with 87% and was elated like any 9 YO would be. But my mom had a gloomy face and, on the way, back home, even started weeping. I took a long close look if it was indeed 87.00 or 8.70.
What probably hurt mom back then were the remarks of my class teacher, “Your son is brilliant in studies but remains aloof for most times. He doesn’t readily mix up with people and often seen with the same 2-3 children. This nature might not let him succeed in life…”
These comments were all Latin and Hebrew back then, however these words came back to haunt me in my teenage years, coalesced into a one-word misery, Introversion.
The terms “introvert” and “extrovert” were first made popular by psychologist Carl Jung in the 1920s. Allow me to call them I’s and X’s as I would be using them multiple times in here.
Contrary to what most people believe, shyness and
introversion are not the same thing.
On the surface, introversion looks a lot like shyness. Both limit social
interaction, but for differing reasons. An introvert and a shy person might be
standing against the wall at a party, but the introvert prefers to be there,
while the shy individual has got no choice.
By general observation, I’s prefer less stimulating environment and tend to enjoy quiet concentration, listen more than they talk and think before they speak. Conversely, X’s are energized by social situations and tend to be assertive multi-taskers who think out loud.
Could we now identify ourselves as an I or X? Please, no provision for ambiversion today :-P
According to renowned writer and speaker Susan
Cain, “A widely held belief in our society is that the ideal self is bold,
alpha, gregarious. Before the twentieth century, we lived in a culture of
character, when you were expected to conduct yourself morally with quiet
integrity. But when people galloped in the 21st century, we morphed
into a culture of personality, which sparked a fascination with
glittering movie stars, bubbly employees and outgoing leadership.
It was only over the last century that society began reshaping itself as an X’s
paradise—much to the I’s displeasure. Independent, autonomous work that favored
employee privacy was eroded and practically replaced by The New Groupthink,
which elevates teamwork above all else. Children now learn in groups. Ideas are
formed in brainstorming sessions. Talkers are considered smarter.”
It's often possible to spot I’s by their conversational style. X’s are comfortable thinking as they speak. I’s prefer slow-paced interactions that allow room for thought. Pretty much explains why I suck at impromptu speaking :-P
Ten years ago, if you had asked me if I wanted to be
born again as an X, it would have been an easy yes. Now, it’s an easy no.
George Washington, Warren Buffett, Darwin, J.K. Rowling,
Einstein, Gandhi, Sundar Pichai. These aren’t just random names. They are
icons. They are leaders. And importantly, they are introverts.
Now, coming to my class
teacher’s remark, that I can’t be a leader or a successful one.
The key element to being a leader is a good set of interpersonal,
or social skills. Good interpersonal skills are critical whether the leader is
an X or an I.
Studies show that I’s are better at leading proactive employees because they
listen to and let them run with their ideas. Meanwhile, X’s are better at
leading passive employees because they have a knack for motivation and
inspiration.
On behalf of all the I’s out there, listing out a few emotional buttons to
avoid conflicts with your introverted companions.
- "'Why don't you like
parties? Don't you like people?'
"Usually we like people fine, We just like them in small doses. We're social but it's a different type of socializing." - "Surprise, we've decided to bring the family and stay with you for the weekend." It's more likely to bring an introvert to a boil. We count on our downtime to rejuvenate our resources; an extended presence in our homes robs us of that.
- "People think we have answers but just aren't giving them, they don't understand we need time to formulate them"
- Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking. Listen closely. "Being overlooked is a really big issue for introverts," they are unlikely to repeat themselves.
- Above all, "we despise people telling us how we can be more extroverted." Many I’s are happy with the way they are. And if you're not, that's your problem.
In contrast to my previous statement that Introversion was my misery, I shall advocate now that,
We know from myths and fairy tales that there are different kinds of powers in this world. The trick lies not in amassing all the kinds of power, but to use well the kind you’ve been blessed with.
